After the horrific hate crime that happened in Charleston we opened up dialogue with our children about their feelings, tough conversations. Because my children are teens and young adults, the conversations were different than those we used to have when something happened that we knew would need to be discussed.
My mind traveled all the way back to a different hate crime, the hatred toward America that drove terrorists to fly planes into the World Trade Center. I remember turning off the television, having age appropriate talks with each child and allowing my children to process in their own way what had occurred.
Our oldest son liked to write things out and used drawings to express his feelings. I will never forget looking at his drawing of the World Trade Center and seeing that he had drawn beautiful staircases on the outside of the building as he wanted to have an escape for the people trapped inside.
I wondered what he would draw today as he struggled to understand why someone would do such a horrific thing.
Tough conversations have to happen sometimes to move forward, process, grow and heal.
As I sat processing my own grief for the victims and the families in Charleston it disturbed me that a young adult the mere age of one of my own, would have such a hatred toward another human being because of their color.
My husband and myself have taught our children to be color blind. All are equal as we all enter and leave this world the same way. God made us to be different so that we could learn and love one another.
We lived in Nashville until moving to Brentwood ten years ago. In Nashville Public Schools, as well as the magnet school our girls attended, there was a lot of diversity. This was a good thing. Another column someday will talk about the real sadness I feel over income diversity. But today, I have to focus on the racial problem that in some ways to me, seems worse than ever.
Our children talked about a division in our country which is interesting since our politicians on both sides keep preaching “unity.” The word they all used in talking about people in general is that everyone has to have a label. Good or bad, be labeled as white, black, gay, transgender, on and on it goes. Stereotypes about what white, African American, Asian and Indian people are described in life. And, honestly we talked about prejudices toward white people too. I think if truth were told, there are hurts of old that linger on for many in the African American culture, and hey why wouldn’t someone be distrustful of whites when we are still behaving so badly!
Do I like the conversations I’ve had with my kids? Not all of them. Some make me deeply uncomfortable and move me from a place way out of my comfort level. But, keeping the dialogue going is what will make us grow, right?
How do we move forward? One thing is for sure, the labels have to stop. To live in unity is to practice equality and this applies not just to race, sexism and economic standings are all places we have to make changes. Especially in Brentwood where children refer to certain neighborhoods as the “slums of Brentwood.” Seriously?
When I went to church this past Sunday, I have to honestly say I was still wrapping my head around the tragedy and something my senior pastor said hit home with me and in my heart knew it was something that I would share with my children, and you today.
I paraphrase: “Be engaged in it – people are not issues to be solved. They are human beings, beings who need love. Racial harmony, rather than talking about it why not just live it.”
My hope is that across our country that tough conversations are being held. There is no room for prejudices of any kind, minority or otherwise. Take away the label and look at the person, a human being.
Why didn’t somebody have a tough conversation with a twenty-one year old young man and alter the course of his destiny? Parents, I beg you to think about the things we simply say not thinking. Our children are listening.
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